Every once in awhile I get a very serious urge to write, usually because I've learned something or am over-flowing with some emotion. I've decided, instead of keeping these moments locked up in a journal, I am going to share them with you. Hence, my blog....


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Thursday, February 25, 2010

A Friendship Gone Bad

Just recieved a disapointing message from an old friend today. It amazes me how someone that I would call a friend can continually be so insensitive, unkind, disrespectful and unappreciative. For all I feel that I give when I am in relationship to another human being it never ceases to amaze me how arrogant and audacious a person can be in return. I wonder if I welcome this ill treatment by putting out so much understanding and support. One of my new songs I've yet to put up addresses this very topic. Ed's actually mixing it down as I type. I can't wait to put it up and free this energy from me. I did a video diary from before and after too that further explores the topic of why some bite my hand, even though it is offering food to them.

My disapointment is so severe right now. I feel like I've been punished by this person for being a good friend. That is why I am no longer communicating with them. What else is there to do when in a hostile situation that you are undeserving of, then remove yourself from it? I've certainly learned that lesson the hard way. If someone doesn't deserve you, don't subject yourself to them. It really has become that simple for me in my life because now I know that some people won't learn until you force them to. You fuck me, you loose my attention.

This is a somewhat odd example but its like what we do with our dogs when they chew up our pillows or dig through the trash....sometimes I yell, which I shouldn't, but really what makes the biggest impact is when I calmly tell them to go outside and I close the door and leave them out there for a bit without looking at them or paying any attention to them. We're made to want attention from things that we love and/or are attatched to. No attention is always worse then positive or neagtive attention because for a lot of creatures negative attention is still enough to satisfy the deep need to be recognized. Ignoring sends a strong message...I don't care enough to yell at you, I don't care enough to waist any more energy on you, you don't deserve anything else from me. And my friend, unfortunately, falls into that category right now.

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